I’m Just Surviving

I never allowed myself to be in a situation where I could not take care of myself even if I had a husband.  I’ve never was really comfortable asking anyone for anything.  I always kept a stash of money somewhere in my house.

I was terminated from my job because I was on disability too long. I was on stated disability for a year.  After that I used my retirement from that company.  When that ran out that month I got a small settlement from my car insurance company for the accident that happened after all of the abuse from my job.

I used it wisely and it lasted approximately a year.  I received a letter from my last job in NJ verifying information for my retirement.  I called them and found out I could collect now.  They had a plan that I could collect a larger amount of money for 3 years or a much smaller amount for life.  God has never left me without.  This amount is not enough for me to live off and it’s an on-going struggle to make ends meet.

I’ve gone 6 months without having my hair washed because I can no longer do it.  My son helped me out a lot when he was out of the country.  When he returned home I knew I could not expect him to continue to because his pay would change.  My youngest made some changes in her life and she is now able to help me a little.

It’s been so difficult because I am not comfortable having to ask for help.  I’m sure GOD wants me to learn !!

When the Government was shut down the decision was made my on Disability case and it was in Decision Writing then it goes back to the attorney to proof reading.  I am believing that I got a favorable decision.  After all I am sick !!

Going without and no way of working a job to take care of myself has been one of the worst situations I’ve been in, in my life.  I’ve never had to go without essentials for personal grooming, food etc.

GOD is good HE has made me promises and I repeat them when things get really bad.  I did cry on the phone with GG.  I usually keep my medical and financial problems to myself but I found that not really having anyone to discuss them it I was weighed me down even more.  After telling GG how difficult it is for me to breathe and take care of myself financially, physically and mentally I actually felt relief, the weight on my shoulders felt lighter.  Then she ask me how can they (my children) help me to have less stress etc.

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